A Time for Everything

I'll start this post with my favorite bible verse, which was read at her funeral on Sunday.
Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I take great comfort in these words. Because I know our separation is only temporary.



If I close my eyes I can still feel the warmth of the fireplace, I can hear her favorite PBS programs on the TV, Nancy's Notions, Julia Child, Nature, This Old House, etc.

I can still remember the feel of the crisp clean sheets on the bed in the spare bedroom. I can remember her peeking through the door to check if I was awake. Then I would jump out of bed and a chill would run up my spine as my feet hit the hardwood floors.

I remember the  crackling of the fire as she worked to get it going. I remember the sizzle of the cast iron skillet as she prepared breakfast for the two of us. If I close my eyes I can still hear the dogs toenails as she paced the hardwoods. Nights spent in that house with her were the best.

I can remember Saturdays spent in Ashville paying bills running errands and making a quick pit stop to any yard sale we would pass by. I remember Sunday mornings spent at Mountain Top Flea Market.

I can remember my favorite thing to do with her, she had dozens and dozens of rings. I would walk into her bedroom, pull out the little drawer of the jewelry box and carry it in the den. I would take each ring out one by one and admire it. I would ask her where she got it or who gave them to her, and she without missing a beat could tell you who gave it to her, and on what occasion, or where she purchased it.

I remember a childhood trip to the Smokey Mountains in which she sat next to me in the car, singing along to the familiar country songs as they drifted out of the car speakers.

I remember the taste of her homemade vegetable soup, there's none like it in the world. The taste of her Dilly Dally Onion Rings, her ''Nanny Tea'' and her famous fudge. All of these things have had their time, and now only remain in my memories. My heart aches, it aches because I want to feel the warmth of her hugs, or the softness of her voice on the other end of the phone. I've played the voicemail's shes left me at least a dozen times. I know she wouldn't want me to cry for her, I know more than anything she wouldn't want that.

She was the one I would run to as a child when I would fall down and get hurt or be heartbroken over a boy as a teenager. She was my rock, she was the one person I could talk to about anything. Where do I stand now that my rock is gone? We all need someone in life, a very special someone who we have a relationship with like no other. Few of us ever find that person, and even less realize they have someone so special. But what do we do when they are gone?

I can imagine her walking barefoot on a beach with her blue jeans rolled past her ankles, with Papaw by her side. Just like in the photo I have of the two of them together. I can imagine how happy they both are to finally be together again. I can imagine them both looking down on all of us, their hearts filled with love and a huge smile on their faces. I can hear her voice say ''don't cry sweetheart, it's okay''

I look around and there are reminders of her everywhere, whether it be a photo of her or a pair of earrings, a book on the shelf, a afghan she made sitting on a shelf in the closet, a scarf, a shawl, a dress in Shelby's closet, a watch in Colt's room, a ring on my finger, a framed photo in the hallway. Everywhere I look there are reminders of her love for us. Although I cry, I am grateful for all these things. I am grateful for my 27 plus years that I was blessed to share my life with her. I hope that someday I can be as good of a Nanny as she was.


Rest in Peace Nanny, I'll never forget you.
Ruth Emily Smith Bevel
August 29,1937 - December 19,2012

A few photos I found on my computer...........

Nanny and Colt at Noccalula Falls 2011

Nanny at Shelby's 3rd Birthday party 2011

Christmas 2009

Nanny and Shelby Easter 2010

At Colt & Shelby's birthday party in 2010

One of my favorite pictues of them May 2010

May 2010

September 2012

Nanny Thanksgiving 2012

Nanny at Colt's birthday party 2011 Huntsville Depot





 

Thankful for my blessings

Today I am thankful for God, my husband and my children. Without them I wouldn't be where I am today.

My husband has been by my side for over seven years, through thick and thin. I can't put into words how wonderful he is to me and our children. I'm thankful for his good work ethic, and determination to always provide for his family.

I'm thankful for my son, and my daughter. They are my little miracle babies, the ones I thought I would never have. God is so good, he always knows what we need and exactly when to give it to us. His timing was perfect. These two little bundles of joy bring me so much happiness and love. They fill my life with laughter and good memories. I would do anything for them. Some days they can be more than a handful, but still I wouldn't trade a single second of our time with them for anything in this world. Each day goes by and I feel like there is no possible way I could love them anymore than I do, yet they always find away to make sure my heart is overflowing with love for them and from them. There is nothing comparable to the love of a child.

I am forever thankful, because I know at any moment any of these things could be gone. I cherish every second of every day that God lets me share with my family. 

blah! blah! blah! blah!

I haven't been able to blog in a while, and so much has been going on.  Life seems to be out of control lately.

Between taking little man to school, and our princess to dance classes, going to the gym, being sick for to weeks, being the president of the mustang club, organizing meetings, planning a car show, trying to be a good wife,mother and step-mother I've lost myself lately. I feel like I'm overlooked, overloaded and definitely overwhelmed. It's like I just woke up one day and life  had gone from being normal to crazy.

Tomorrow I start a new job, I'm nervous about finding the right balance between being a good wife & mother, while keeping up with my responsibilities  with the mustang club and working part time. I'm excited about going back to work,  meeting new people, and  getting out of the house.

Friday night I'm going out with my friends Kathleen,Rachael,Rose, & Beatrice! AGH, a girls night out! It's well overdue and is going to be awesome! I'm so excited! It's only for a few hours and then I will be thrown back into reality. lol I will let you know how that turns out!

My daughter Vanessa has Epilepsy & her seizures are becoming more frequent. Her neurologist is sending her to Children's Hospital next Tuesday-Thursday. My husband can't take off work since we just came back from a vacation. So I plan on going to visit her while she is there. I can't not go see her knowing she is going to be there.  She will be hooked up to machines with all sorts of wires. I plan on leaving the munchkins at my parents house mainly because  I don't want them to freak out over seeing their big sister in that environment. Hopefully they will be able to catch it and figure out what is triggering her more frequent seizures. She gets out on Thursday. Then on Friday she goes to another specialist. She's had a sinus infection for three months & they did a scan. They found some sort of mass in her sinuses so that's why she has to go to see a specialist. Hopefully it's something that can be fixed with medication.

I finally finished my book one night last week and then watched the movie the next night. Its sad I don't even have time to hardly even read anymore. Anyways Courageous is a must read and a must see!!!! I think everyone could learn something good from it. It's reminded me that when I'm feeling like I have been lately that instead of stressing out I need to just take a moment to PRAY! I just have to remind myself sometimes that God is in control and everything will work out just as he has planned.

Mardi Gras Parade

As president of RCMC I received an email a few months ago asking our club to participate in a Mardi Gras Parade at a retirement community. I was all for the idea! It was on a Friday so most RCMC members had to be at work.



Four of us participated, and my husband tagged along with his B4C Camaro. {I even put an RCMC flag on his antenna when he wasn't looking}

I was so very happy that I was able to participate in the parade. Not everyone at the retirement community is capable of driving themselves or even taking the bus. So for them to be able to go to a special event/parade is nearly impossible.

We bought Mardi Gras beads to toss out, then we were given more of them twice after we arrived as well as whole boxes of mini moon pies to toss to the crowds. We lined up and then, I moved my daughters car-seat from the back to the front just for the parade. {it was on private grounds and we were doing about 5mph} My husband did the same with our son in his car.

Baby girl absolutely loved tossing the beads, and moon pies to the crowd. She was upset once we reached the end of the parade route, because she ran out of people to throw beads/moon pies to well before she ran out of the beads/moon pies! I was moved to tears over the fact that there were several elderly ladies lined up along the road, sitting in their wheel chairs draped in white sheets because it was a bit chilly out. One little old lady had even fallen asleep in her wheel chair. Bless her heart! It meant so much to me to be a part of something like this, it clearly brought joy to the residents at the community. People who normally don't have the opportunity to participate in such festivities.

The reflection on the bottom left corner is from my windshield.

We had a lovely day, it was beautiful and  sunny, and we spent it together as a family making other people happy. I hope that they make this an annual event & invite us back again!

I took a close up of the beads hanging from my rear-view window. I think it looks pretty neat.

Happy New Year to me....

This year is going to be about BIG changes! First of all I want to have a better relationship with the LORD. I want my children to know and love him and understand him. I want to give them that vital tool to life that I feel like I never had.

Second on the list is the fact that I have finally found the determination to loose the baby weight. It takes baby steps, and that's where I have started. Little changes like deciding to refuse chocolate,and sodas no matter how bad the craving was easier than I thought. I just had to find the right mindset. Now I don't even crave them at all.  I haven't had a soda in over a month. I stuck to sweet tea for a while, and even now I am sick of it. I crave water now, and can't get enough of it. I have never liked to drink water before.

I want to become a healthier person, not only mentally but physically as well. This wasn't a new years resolution. I figured I have never suceeded at them in the past so there was no reason to set one this year. This time I am doing it for me, not because its the trendy thing to do in the month of January. We have started changing our normal go-to foods for healthier foods. Tonight we went out and bought a birthday cake for our neighbor. I didn't even have any at all, not even the desire to try it. I'm super proud of myself!

Another big change is coming in a few months. One that I am far from being ready for. Little man will start school! First of all, where did the time go? I know I'm going to have a hard time with it because I'm already stressing over it. The past four and a half years night and day my life has been dedicated to my sweet babies. Not only am I going to have to prep him to be ready to go to school, I will be preparing myself as well. I'm going to be a hot mess come August! Someone please tell me it is easier than I am imagining it to be?

January 13 2012

Rest in Peace

Christmas just didn't feel the same due to the unexpected loss of my Uncle Paul.

December 23rd my Aunt Clara found him in the living room. While in his favorite chair watching tv he passed away due to a massive heart attack.

He was an 89 year old veteran. My Aunt and Uncle were married for over 65 years and together even longer. I cant even imagine how hard it is for her.

Christmas was on Sunday and I just didn't feel it this year. My husband had to work and came home for lunch to watch the kids open gifts. Overall we celebrated at 9 different places, which means the kids got way too much stuff.

On Monday my husband had to work. The kids and I traveled to my parents house. My mom kept them while my father and I went to Uncle Paul's funeral.

We arrived at the funeral home and our Cousin John was in the parking lot so we all went in together.

Uncle Paul's flowers were so beautiful! There were red roses, carnations, and mums all mixed together with evergreen branches. He looked so at peace. I cried a little. I was so happy to see my Aunt Clara despite the circumstances.

They both mean so much to me. As a child they would write me letters & send me gifts. I have a journal, letter opener, sterling silver and turquoise butterfly necklace, a ceramic jar from New Mexico. A framed drawing of a log cabin by Aunt Clara. (she paints, & draws extremely well and is a published author) All of these things are special to me because of who game them to me. I cherish the letters.

His burial was after the service. It wasn't far from the funeral home. He was buried at the cemetery of the church they attended. I took a photo of my Daddy and Aunt Clara afterwards. Then took a single red rose from his flowers. I dried it out to keep.

After that I took my Daddy to eat at Cracker Barrel in Gadsden. I very much enjoyed having lunch with him. It's not often that I get to do so.

January 4th 2012

Thankful Thursdays

Today more than ever I am thankful for my family. I am thankful that God has blessed me with a good loving husband and two healthy children. They are my reason's to be a better person, a better wife, a better friend. A better being. Life is precious and it can be gone in an instant. I never take for granted the moments that I am blessed enough to share a life with my children. I love above and beyond anything else in this world than being a mother. I love everything about it. I love the trials, and rough days. I love the fun days, the sad days, the sick days, and all the days in between. I am so thankful for my family!

Day 13 {This week}

• Sunday - I spent the entire day at home being lazy with my family. We watched Fast Five, and it was just as good as seeing it the first time.
• Monday - I did a ton of laundry. After my Hubby came home from work we all went to Costco. I got a bunch of stuff we needed. Afterwards the babies and I went out to eat at O'Charley's with some friends. Then we went to Target and I bought one of baby girl's Christmas gifts.
• Tuesday - I stayed at home all day procrastinating even though I had a billion things to do. I did manage to get a few things done at home though. I even caught up on blogging. 
• Wednesday -  Someone knocked at the door in the morning. I opened it to see our neighbor and her daughter. They said ''We have bad news'' I stood there looking at them in shock and said ''What's wrong?'' They didn't say anything they just stared at me. I realized exactly what was wrong. I said ''NO!!'' and they both started crying,I started crying. Their two month old baby girl ''Amaya Faith'' had passed away. She was doing so well,they were even saying she would be home at the end of the month. This was a shock to everyone. Her mom had went for her nightly visit, she changed her diaper and it had blood in it. She got the nurse right away, the nurse took the baby to the doctor on call. He immediately sent her for x-rays. It showed that she had air in her belly. At midnight they took her in for emergency surgery. She had a hole in her intestines due to a bacterial infection. Normally they would be able to repair it. Hers was so bad that there was nothing they could do. They took her off of her machines, and let her family hold her until she passed. She left this world at 4:53 am November 9th, 2011.  This family has become more than just friends, they have become like family to us. The rest of my plans have been cancelled for the week. I can't believe I will be attending a funeral for a two month old baby girl. I never in my life thought this would ever happen. It's heartbreaking. I know that God has a plan for everyone, sometimes it's just hard to understand that plan. This is the third baby they have lost, it just doesn't seem fair. I don't question his plan, I just wish I could understand a little better.
• On a lighter note it was Visitor's Day at ASD. Which meant that I got to take my little girl to her dance class and stay and watch everything she  has been learning. It was nice to be able to go, it was the only time yesterday that I wasn't constantly thinking of the baby. I am so proud of my baby girl. I was reminded yesterday of just how precious life is, and I held my kids even closer.
• Thursday - 
• Friday -
• Saturday -

Day 11 {Your Children}

My children are my life.......my world. They are my inspiration. The source of all my happiness and at the same time the source of insanity. Most of everyone already knows everything about my babies. So I will write about their births.

 I was a very happy pregnant woman. I dislike hearing pregnant women complain ALL the time. I was so in tune with my son when I was pregnant that I actually  had dreams about him before he was even born, even before I found out that he would be a boy. Some of those dreams were exact right down to every detail. I don't know how that happened either, maybe hormones. I also had nightmares when I was pregnant with him.

There is no deeper connection in this world than that of a mother and her child, especially  while she is pregnant.  I dreamed once about my son's birth, before we knew he was a boy. I dreamed that he wasn't breathing when he was born. When the time really came for me to have him, by dream became a reality. He wasn't breathing. I was panicking.

I couldn't even imagine loosing him. The doctor worked on stitching me up and I was trying my hardest to get my half numb body off of the table to get to my brand new baby boy. The doctor told the two nurses that were already in the room to get the NICU nurses. Within seconds the door flew open and there was a combination of ten nurses and doctors trying their best to get  my angel to breathe. I didn't even get to hold him, he was taken to the NICU. He was only tree weeks early, so I never imagined it would turn out that way.

They took me upstairs to my room and I started throwing up and having the worst chills and I was itching from head to to clawing at my skin. They gave me a shot and it knocked me out. Three hours later I woke up in pain, and the nurse come in to take care of me. She asked if I wanted to see my baby. So more than three hours after he was born. I was able to hold him for the first time. It was so much better than I ever imagined it could be he was perfect.


About two months later I found out we would be having our second child. It was unexpected but more than welcomed. I was at work one night and felt like my pants were wet. I looked and it was blood. I immediately went to the hospital. This happened several times with no explanation. My doctor told me it was time to stop working and just stay at home. I had no problem with that. I hardly ever felt my baby move, which concerned me all the time. With my son he moved all the time, and I could always feel it. She always checked out fine at the doctors office though. She came two weeks early.

It was shift change when we arrived at the hospital, which meant I didn't get seen right away. I had to wait in the waiting room. By the time I got to see my doctor I was at 8cm, and still had nothing for the pain.My Dr suggested an epidural, so I agreed. She came back an hour later and it was time to start. She however had to leave to do an emergency Cesarean on twins.

So there I was with my husband and the nurse. I pushed for over two hours. When the doctor came back she said this baby hasn't even moved. I then laid down and just gave up. I told my husband I was tired, and I couldn't do it anymore. I was physically exhausted. The doctor said I needed a Cesarean, so off we went to the OR.

Turns out our little princess was well over 8lbs and that's the reason she had gotten stuck inside my pelvis. She has been mischievous ever since! I actually would prefer  a Cesarean rather than the natural way any day. It was so much easier, I was back to normal the next day.

I love my babies with everything I have. I have been blessed beyond anything I ever imagined. It's bittersweet watching them grow up. I love watching them grow and learn and achieve new things, but at the same time it makes me sad. It goes by all too fast. I try to take lots of photos so we never forget anything. I keep up with the little moments by writting them down and making scrapbooks. There is nowhere in this world that I would rather be than right here with my family.

Day 8 {A moment}

When Is 20 years old I was engaged to someone who was wrong for me in every way imaginable. I came to realize it wasn't going to work, but I felt so trapped. I felt like my only option at the time was to stay in that relationship. I began working at a restaurant in Madison Square Mall. It was called Mozzarella's American Cafe. I absolutely loved working there, it was fun, the food was great, and I began to feel free for the first time in a long time. I made friends there that I will remain lifelong friends. My friends would ask me to go out with them after work, I would always say no because I knew if I did I would have to deal with fiance jackass.

After working there for about a month a co-worker Jessi and I had worked the lunch shift. Afterwards we walked around the mall and ate lunch in the food court. We had decided to go to Claire's, we were walking up to a corner in the mall. It was then that a police officer walked around the corner. I looked directly at him and gave him the biggest smile possible. I grabbed Jessi by her arm and said oh my gosh Jessi, look at the size of his arms! At that very moment I said ''that man is going to be my husband someday''.

Jessi was quick to tell me how crazy that sounded. I knew how it sounded. I knew nothing about him, other than he was a police officer. Jessi and I continued on to Claire's and we bought several pairs of earrings. All the girls at work were into earrings. We would wear a different pair every day and we would all compare them lol!

Once Jessi and I made our purchase we headed back to the restaurant, because it was almost time for us to start our dinner shift. We walked in the door, and there he was. He was sitting at a table with another police officer named Vince. I smiled at him again as I walked by him on my way to the office. Apparently he had recognized my uniform, and went to the restaurant and was there waiting for me.

I clocked back in and went to check which section I would be working in for the night. He motioned for me to come over to his table. He asked me what my name was so that next time they were there they could ask to be sat in my section. I told him that I was waiting to turn 21 so that I could apply to become a police officer. He was fully supportive of that idea.

He and several other officers work the security detail at the mall on the weekends. So for several weeks on Friday nights they would come in and ask to be sat in my section. Finally two months later he asked me if I would like to have dinner with him.

That night I met him after I got off work. I sat in his police car talking with him. Another police officer came up and was talking with us, his was Officer Daniel Golden. {Three days later Officer Golden was shot and killed responding to a domestic call.} So after work we had dinner together for the very first time at T.G.I. Fridays. It was Friday August 26th, 2005.

I don't believe it was love at first sight, because I didn't love him right away. Deep down inside, somehow some part of me knew that he would be my husband. Eventually I turned 21 and he helped me get a new car for my birthday. I moved in with him and later on applied with two different police departments, and was accepted by both of them. I graduated from the APD reserve program, and was accepted by both APD and HPD to go into the police academy. I  learned that I was pregnant a week before I was to start. Needless to say I didn't go.

He was my knight in shining armor, only he came in a uniform and shiny badge. He rescued me from a bad relationship. He changed my life in the best way possible. Later on we  got married and now we have two babies. So here we are six years later, married with two children. I'm so thankful for having him in my life. They are my world. Sadly the restaurant has closed. I plan on finding one and us going there for my next birthday, I think it would be fun to go try old familiar flavors.

Day 6 {Your day}

I had a fabulous day today. This morning our neighbor invited us to go for a walk. I had tons to do and Shelby was still in bed, so lil man went with them. I finished cleaning up the dishes from last night, and vacuumed the house. My husband had a class so after it was over he came home for lunch.

My parents arrived about five minutes after he left to go back to work. Our neighbor came over to meet my parents, they brought a gift for her baby girl who is in the NICU. After our visit we went to Kroger's to  buy the ingredients to make homemade chili, because that's what my husband wanted for dinner.

My Daddy helped me by opening all of the canned items while I chopped up the onions,garlic,and peppers. My mom helped stir the meat until it was browned. {I always cook the meat and then drain the fat, so that its a little healthier as opposed to just putting the raw meant and everything else in all at once} Shortly after that my husband arrived home, we all ate. Then I started getting our little ballerina ready for her dance class. She looked ever so cute. Then my parents left because they were going to stop by my aunt's house on the way home.

I dropped her off at ASD, then went to get gas. I went home after that until it was time to go pick her up. After I picked her up we went to the mall to find a hairbow to match her beautiful Straussburg dress that Mrs.Kathy bought for her back in the summer. I wasn't able to find matching ribbon or I would have made my own bow. I couldn't have found a better bow  than the one I found at Hair Holiday in the mall. I'm ever so excited about having their Christmas photos made tomorrow. My friend bought us the gift certificate to have their photos made. Plus our friend Kathy had bought both of them an outfit back in the summer, so it's only costing me the price of the bow $3.99! I can't wait!

When we were at the hairbow store there was a lady in there who noticed my call my daughter Shelby. She looked at me and said that her granddaughter was also named Shelby. She said that she didn't know of another Shelby. She also said that her granddaughter lives overseas because her father is in the military.  I think it is a rare name. I told her that my Shelby was named after Carroll Shelby. Carroll is the owner of Shelby Customs in Las Vegas. He  also created the Shelby  Mustang, the Shelby Cobra, and Terlingua Racing.  She said her granddaughter is also named after Carroll Shelby. I think its awesome!

Carroll Shelby

Mr. Shelby

My daughter was also named after Lauren Conrad. You may know her from Laguna Beach. She is better known for the hit series called ''The Hills'' I absolutely love the show! I own almost all of the season's on DVD, and her books. Lauren is classy, sophisticated, beautiful, intelligent, she's a great clothing designer among many other things. So now you know the story of how Shelby Lauren got her name.

Lauren Conrad

Then we went to Wal-Mart to get popcorn seeds. Baby girl and I arrived home, and we made popcorn. I fixed myself a margarita. We all enjoyed the popcorn together while watching X-Factor, which is still on. Gotta love that show!



Overall I have had a fabulous day, with my family. I'm thankful for this day. November is the month for giving thanks, so I thank God and my family for such a lovely day. Even the weather was nice!