A Time for Everything

I'll start this post with my favorite bible verse, which was read at her funeral on Sunday.
Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I take great comfort in these words. Because I know our separation is only temporary.



If I close my eyes I can still feel the warmth of the fireplace, I can hear her favorite PBS programs on the TV, Nancy's Notions, Julia Child, Nature, This Old House, etc.

I can still remember the feel of the crisp clean sheets on the bed in the spare bedroom. I can remember her peeking through the door to check if I was awake. Then I would jump out of bed and a chill would run up my spine as my feet hit the hardwood floors.

I remember the  crackling of the fire as she worked to get it going. I remember the sizzle of the cast iron skillet as she prepared breakfast for the two of us. If I close my eyes I can still hear the dogs toenails as she paced the hardwoods. Nights spent in that house with her were the best.

I can remember Saturdays spent in Ashville paying bills running errands and making a quick pit stop to any yard sale we would pass by. I remember Sunday mornings spent at Mountain Top Flea Market.

I can remember my favorite thing to do with her, she had dozens and dozens of rings. I would walk into her bedroom, pull out the little drawer of the jewelry box and carry it in the den. I would take each ring out one by one and admire it. I would ask her where she got it or who gave them to her, and she without missing a beat could tell you who gave it to her, and on what occasion, or where she purchased it.

I remember a childhood trip to the Smokey Mountains in which she sat next to me in the car, singing along to the familiar country songs as they drifted out of the car speakers.

I remember the taste of her homemade vegetable soup, there's none like it in the world. The taste of her Dilly Dally Onion Rings, her ''Nanny Tea'' and her famous fudge. All of these things have had their time, and now only remain in my memories. My heart aches, it aches because I want to feel the warmth of her hugs, or the softness of her voice on the other end of the phone. I've played the voicemail's shes left me at least a dozen times. I know she wouldn't want me to cry for her, I know more than anything she wouldn't want that.

She was the one I would run to as a child when I would fall down and get hurt or be heartbroken over a boy as a teenager. She was my rock, she was the one person I could talk to about anything. Where do I stand now that my rock is gone? We all need someone in life, a very special someone who we have a relationship with like no other. Few of us ever find that person, and even less realize they have someone so special. But what do we do when they are gone?

I can imagine her walking barefoot on a beach with her blue jeans rolled past her ankles, with Papaw by her side. Just like in the photo I have of the two of them together. I can imagine how happy they both are to finally be together again. I can imagine them both looking down on all of us, their hearts filled with love and a huge smile on their faces. I can hear her voice say ''don't cry sweetheart, it's okay''

I look around and there are reminders of her everywhere, whether it be a photo of her or a pair of earrings, a book on the shelf, a afghan she made sitting on a shelf in the closet, a scarf, a shawl, a dress in Shelby's closet, a watch in Colt's room, a ring on my finger, a framed photo in the hallway. Everywhere I look there are reminders of her love for us. Although I cry, I am grateful for all these things. I am grateful for my 27 plus years that I was blessed to share my life with her. I hope that someday I can be as good of a Nanny as she was.


Rest in Peace Nanny, I'll never forget you.
Ruth Emily Smith Bevel
August 29,1937 - December 19,2012

A few photos I found on my computer...........

Nanny and Colt at Noccalula Falls 2011

Nanny at Shelby's 3rd Birthday party 2011

Christmas 2009

Nanny and Shelby Easter 2010

At Colt & Shelby's birthday party in 2010

One of my favorite pictues of them May 2010

May 2010

September 2012

Nanny Thanksgiving 2012

Nanny at Colt's birthday party 2011 Huntsville Depot





 

Thankful for my blessings

Today I am thankful for God, my husband and my children. Without them I wouldn't be where I am today.

My husband has been by my side for over seven years, through thick and thin. I can't put into words how wonderful he is to me and our children. I'm thankful for his good work ethic, and determination to always provide for his family.

I'm thankful for my son, and my daughter. They are my little miracle babies, the ones I thought I would never have. God is so good, he always knows what we need and exactly when to give it to us. His timing was perfect. These two little bundles of joy bring me so much happiness and love. They fill my life with laughter and good memories. I would do anything for them. Some days they can be more than a handful, but still I wouldn't trade a single second of our time with them for anything in this world. Each day goes by and I feel like there is no possible way I could love them anymore than I do, yet they always find away to make sure my heart is overflowing with love for them and from them. There is nothing comparable to the love of a child.

I am forever thankful, because I know at any moment any of these things could be gone. I cherish every second of every day that God lets me share with my family. 

We will never forget

The alarm goes off, the tears begin to flow uncontrollably. I hit the snooze button.

That is how my day started.

After hitting the snooze button more than a dozen times I dragged myself out of the bed. Not because I was still sleepy but because I feared the unknown. My husband and I got up, showered, dressed and off to the funeral home we went. Walking in the door, I recognized so many familiar faces. Some I have known for a while, others whom I have only come to know and love in the past few days.

I took a deep breath and walked into the room, there sat the family. I hugged all of them and told them how sorry I was and that I love them. It was then I looked to the far end of the room. There laid this beautiful tiny baby girl, surrounded by beautiful pink blankets and flowers.

I cried and cried and even cried after I thought I had no tears left.

Her coffin wasn't much bigger than a shoe box. It was the saddest thing I may have ever seen.

We went and sat in another room. Later on my friend's sister came and sat down beside me. I put my arm around her. I had no words. I don't even know what to say to them anymore. I know ''I'm sorry for your loss'' just doesn't get it. I honestly didn't know what to say to her. She sat there, and I could see her whole body trembling. I feel like I failed her today, not even being able to speak. Searching for words and nothing coming out. I was speechless.

Her graveside service was beautiful. Each family member was given a pink balloon, and they all released them at the same time. The wind quickly took them away. Afterwards everyone was asked to join the family for a meal at Ryan's. So we all headed over there. I'm happy that I was able to be there for my friends during their time of sorrow. If I have learned one thing from this sweet baby passing away, its the fact that she brought two families together. She made friendships grow closer, stronger. She has created a bond between strangers. There is no greater love than that of a child. She was loved and in return she gave everyone who knew her love and friendships that will last a lifetime. I am so blessed to know this family, and to have had the chance to meet this baby and be a part of her life.

Day 14 {What you wore today}

I really don't remember what I wore today. I do know that I wore my heart on my sleeve. I wore my emotions, constantly streaming tears down my face. A baby is supposed to be a happy time in a mother's life. Instead my friend is burying her child. She was born premature, so they never had a chance for a baby shower. A baby shower was recently put into plans, and now instead they are dealing with the task of planning a funeral.

I have been so emotional, I haven't wanted to do anything but sit around and cry. I was only a friend to the family, so I can't even imagine how they feel if I'm feeling this bad. I pray for this family to find comfort in the loss of this beautiful baby girl. My heart aches for them.

I took my children with me tonight and tried to go shopping for something to wear to her funeral, instead I tuned into the crazy crying lady on aisle six! I just can't control it, I can't stop thinking about it. It's constantly on my mind.

There are so many undeserving mothers in this world, mothers who abuse their children or even murder their children. Then there is my friend, someone who wants more than anything in this world to be a mother and it's just out of her grasp. I can't imagine loosing one child let alone three. She has an amazing strength, and I hope and pray that someday God will bless her with a healthy child. She deserves it more than anyone.

I hope it's a long weekend. I know I am not ready for Sunday, I know her family is not ready for Sunday. I hope and pray that I can find strength, to know all the right things to say to comfort them.

Today I wore ............tears.

Thankful Thursdays

I got the idea for Thankful Thursdays from Abby, check out her blog here. I know I'm a day behind by posting ''Thankful Thursdays'' on a Friday, but it seriously doesn't matter as long as it gets done.

• I am thankful for the faith I have found in God.
• I am thankful for HIS love and understanding.
• I am thankful for the life he has blessed me with.
• I'm thankful for the prayers that have been answered, even those that have not been answered.
•  He above all knows what is best for me and will never lead me in the wrong direction.
• My husband is the son of a preacher, and the brother of a preacher. He too has taught me a lot.
•  Prayer is very powerful it can change lives. I know because it has changed mine.
• I was told that I would never have children, I now have two. Prayer is powerful. Faith is powerful.
• FAITH*HOPE*LOVE*

Please join me along with Abby and participate in ''Thankful Thursdays'' Each Thursday in November I will post something I am thankful for.

sixteen days

Today was a very exciting and special day. I had the honor of going to the NICU with Rachel to visit her baby girl. The hospital is about five minutes away. We had just enough time for a little chit chat. She told me that she just wanted to give me a warning in advance that the baby is small. I was thinking this whole time and trying to imagine for the past two weeks just how small she was.

Once we got to the hospital it took a few minutes to find a parking space. Then we went inside to the NICU. We washed our hands and headed in the direction where she was. The blanket was lifted off of her incubator and I stepped closer to get a better look. I thought I knew but really I had no idea at all, about just how tiny she would be. I really wasn't prepared at all. I never in my life imagined a baby could be so tiny. It really caught me off guard and shocked me. I began to cry, and Rachel told me to stop before I made her cry too. Just to try and give you an idea of how tiny she is, make a fist with your hand. Her head is smaller than an adults fist.

She is the smallest most beautiful little girl, she is just perfect.  She has the tiniest hands and feet, everything about her is so adorable. I wish I could just hold her and kiss her! I am completely amazed at the work of God, HE is so awesome! I could even feel his presence in the room. I stared in awe over her, she is truly a blessing! Today she was 16 days old!

The nurse asked Rachel if she would like to change her diaper. I think she was shocked because her answer was ''can I''? She did a fantastic first diaper changing! Even the diapers are so stinking cute, I should have stolen one lol! They are smaller than baby doll diapers! She forgot her camera, so I used mine to capture her first diaper change from her mommy! I will ask and see how she feels about me adding photos, so maybe later on I will add them but not for now.

I have prayed for her multiple times since she was born,but to finally be able to meet her was just an honor. She has already found a place in my heart. I will continue to pray for her and her family. Today was a wonderful day!

I also got news that my step-daughter will be induced at 5am. So I went to a local crafts store to purchase items to make her a wreath for her hospital door.

the letter ''n'' in the center of the wreath

the wreath I made for tomorrow

While I was at the craft store I came across a wooden cross. I immediately knew I had to buy it for Amaya Faith's mommy!

I don't think I could have found a better gift to buy her than this today! I'm so happy that I found it. I came home and made the wreath for my step-daughter's door. Later on I even made a special gift for Amaya. I took a regular sized baby stretchy headband and cut it and made it into one that will{hopefully} fit her. Its pink and ever so cute! I took a photo of it next to a regular sized headband, to show the difference in size.



Isn't it cute????

 Hopefully the nurses will allow her to wear it just long enough for photos! I already can't wait to see her again! But until then I will continue to pray for her! And I'm looking forward to our new family member arrive tomorrow.

faith hope love prayer

Today I was cleaning my son's room. I thought I heard someone at the door, but then it stopped. I assumed it was my daughter since she was in the living room. Then my phone began to ring. It was my sweet neighbor and friend, who is like family to us. She was expecting a package and needed us to watch for it. She was leaving to take her father to visit someone at the hospital.

Her sister was pregnant and due December 26th. She has been on bed rest for the last several weeks. She had been taken to the hospital at 4 am because she had gone into labor. She has already lost two babies in the past due to premature births. So this has had everyone on edge for a while. I have sent many prayers for her and her baby. (as well as many tears)

She was given a drug to help develop the baby's lungs, so that it would have a better chance of survival. She was taken to the operating room for an emergency Cesarean.

They hadn't even announced the sex of the baby yet. Nor had they even made a final decision on a name.                                                                

                                                                                      

She was born today by cesarean, and weighed in at two pounds. She is 13.5 inches long. She was transported to another hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit. It's known as one of the best in the state. She will be in good hands there.


So now everyone knows that she is in fact a sweet baby girl. I have sent out prayers as well as prayer requests to family and friends throughout the day. Prayer is a powerful thing. I received a message late this afternoon letting me know that she was breathing on her own. Something the doctors say is extremely well for a baby her age. She is big for her gestation period too, thank goodness because that will help her grow and develop faster.

                                                                                     

Her mommy has been worried sick and in tears all day and wasn't up for visitors. So tomorrow I will be going with her sister to visit her at the hospital. The  baby is so tiny so she is on a restricted visitation schedule. I hope we can make it by her hospital too, I would love to see her. I know I won't be able to touch her or hold her but seeing her will be a blessing.


They picked out the sweetest name for her, but I won't say it on here since she isn't my child. It's a perfect name, and very well chosen for the situation. She isn't out of the woods yet and will need prayers for weeks, maybe even months to come. So please keep this sweet angel in your prayers.


Love,
Jaybee

we shall never forget

Ten years, so much can change in ten years. Some things can change in the blink of an eye. Where have the past ten years gone? It doesn't seem as if it has been ten years.

Ten years ago today I was a high school student. I was sitting in Mrs.Cox's English class. A class I loved very much. I remember someone coming to the door and saying turn the TV on because a plane had crashed into one of the towers of The World Trade Center. Mrs.Cox quickly turned the TV on.

We watched the breaking news for several minutes. I'm not sure exactly how much time had passed, then suddenly we watched on live TV as the second plane crashed into the second tower. I still get chills when I think back on that day and remember the gasps from my fellow classmates. Some cried, some prayed, some sat in silence. I cried. I prayed. To this day it gives me chills.

Soon it was made aware that it was terrorist attacks. Our school was placed on lock down. We sat there and watched as people jumped from the tower's to their death, as they tried so desperately to escape. I remember watching as the first tower fell, then the second. I remember seeing the thousands of people running through the streets, and the fear on their faces. I remember seeing people walking through the street covered in ash and debris. It was like a scene from a movie. It felt so unreal. We heard of the plane crashing into The Pentagon, and the one in the Pennsylvania field.

The next day at school Mrs.Cox asked us to write an essay about the attack. She said that she would choose a few of them to be sent in to be published in the local news paper. I picked up the pen and the words just flew out onto the paper. I had never felt so powerful about writing before. I turned it in when it was due. I was chosen to have it printed in the paper. I still have my original copy, and Mrs.Cox's note & my grade that she wrote at the top of the page. I will post it when I am able to find it. It's somewhere in my closet.  Mrs.Cox has since passed away. She was an outstanding teacher. I will always remember sitting in her class that day. I wish the best for her son.

I will forever remember that day. I will remember how I was afraid. I will remember the images burned into my brain as I watched them on the news. I will remember it as the day America changed. I will remember how America came together as a family in the following weeks, months, even years.

It's a day America will never forget, a day the world will never forget. Our country was changed that September day. Thousands lost their lives that day. Including 343 firefighters and 72 police officers. I pray for their families on this day. I pray that they have found peace with their love one's deaths. I pray for the very best for all of the survivor's and their families. May all the victim's rest in peace. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Visit the memorial page, to plan a visit or make a donation.  http://www.911memorial.org/

April's Fury

April 27th, 2011 ~ My husband was at work, my children and I were at home. We live in an upstairs apartment, so I had a bag ready for them in case we had to leave. My daughter who was 2 at the time, said she needed her bible & wouldn't let go of it. At one point my husband called me and said that a tornado was on the ground & for us to get downstairs to the laundry room where we would be safe. I went and looked out the kitchen window and watched as the tornado headed northeast. Probably a stupid thing to do,but I didn't feel like we were in danger since it was traveling in the opposite direction. The power went out & my husband was held over after his shift was over. He came home from work almost 7 hours late. The babies went from room to room trying to make the t.v.'s and the lights work. They kept telling me to fix it, not understanding that it was something that was completely out of my control. They also didn't understand the whole candle thing & kept blowing them out. The whole house felt hot and sticky. The next morning I packed a bag to go stay with my brother and his family. There was no way I could stay at home for days with two toddlers, and no power. I ended up staying there for five days before my husband called to tell me that we had power again. During the almost two hour drive to my brothers house all I could see was tornado damage, literally in every town I drove through. I was low on gas, and due to the power being out couldn't find an open gas station. I ended up parked on the side of the road in Snead waiting for my brother to bring gas for me and the babies. During my stay with my brother's family, I went to Shoal Creek to see the damage there. It was like a war zone. My sister-in-law and I bought items to donate to the victims, and went there and passed them out. Sunday I went to church with them, and sat there crying after all I had seen in the pat few days with full gratitude that all of my family was safe. My husband was put on 12 hour shifts, with no regular lunch hour, and off days were taken away. Its the longest time I have ever been away from my husband in the entire time that I have known him. Once I was back home, I realized that the food in the freezer and fridge was spoiled. Rotten meat,eggs,etc. is something I never want to clean up again. The blood from the meat in the freezer, ran all the way down inside the fridge. It smelled dreadful, and took a good month to get rid of the smell! I felt like I needed to do something more. I cleaned out all of our old clothes to donate, and took them to the donation center. I helped volunteer with the fire department, helping to clean up debris. I cried because seeing it in person is nothing like seeing it on the news. So this made me realize something.... why do most of us wait until a tragedy happens to try and do a good deed? Why do we all not volunteer more often? Why don't we donate to the needy more? I have made it a point in my life to be a better person all the time,not just sometimes. Donate blood, donate food to the food bank. Donate old clothes, or anything no longer wanted to a charity. You never know who you are helping, or how much of an impact it makes on their lives.

Arab,AL

                                     the line to get gas was over 2 miles long

                                          Shoal Creek

                                             Shoal Creek

                               items that my sister-in-law & I bought to donate to the storm victims

                                                  God Bless America!!!!

  Harvest,AL I took this photo while helping the fire department during storm clean up.

 This family was definitely grateful to be alive! This sign brought tears to my eyes!{Harvest,AL}

       

Praying for Layla Grace

This is a short blog I posted on Facebook Sunday March 6,2010  I am deleting it from my facebook page but still wanted to keep it. So I am posting it on here. Layla Grace passed away three days after I posted the blog on Facebook. From time to time I still find myself thinking of her.
R.I.P. LAYLA GRACE November 26, 2007 - March 9,2010



Praying for Layla Grace

A few short weeks ago I read a post about this sweet little girl LAYLA GRACE. I don't know a whole lot about her other than she has Neuroblastoma, which is a form of cancer. She is only two years old.
 I have been keeping up with her condition via facebook as well as http://laylagrace.org/

Layla is a remarkable little girl, who has touched my heart. Although I have never met her she has taught me so much in such a short amount of time. She seems like such a strong little girl, a fighter . Layla's parent's face a struggle just waking up each day. There are days when I complain about my kids having a ''bad day''. I started thinking that it was rather selfish of me. Just look at Layla's parents, I bet they would give anything to have her throwing a tantrum or two now and then.

I have learned not to get so upset about the small things. Look at how strong her parents are being forced to be. I can't imagine the pain that's in their hearts right now. I cry every time I read about Layla Grace. I pray for a miracle to find its way to Layla. I pray for her family that they might find reason and comfort in all of what the past year has brought upon them. I think of her beautiful smile and pretty eyes in the photos I have seen of her in better days.
I want to be angry with someone but I don't know who to be angry with. No child should ever have to go through what she has been through. Nor should any parent have to sit there and watch as their child slips away.
I have shared her story with as many people as I can. Layla has opened my eyes.

Colt has Autism so he has his days, but even his bad days are good days because of the fact that I get to  be with him and his sister. I get to hold them in my arms and hear their laughter. I get to hear them say ''I love you Mommy''! I have been so blessed with them. I cherish all the time I have been given with them. So the next time when I find myself  in a moment where I feel overwhelmed I will think of Layla Grace, and her story.
I will hold my babies a little tighter from now on, I will love them even harder than I already do. I don't like to be a negative person, so when I hear people saying how horrible their lives are it upsets me so much. I think of Layla's family, and how hard their lives are right now. And I wish I could make people realize that the small stuff doesn't matter in the end. Life isn't about just existing it's about living and living it to the fullest extent possible. Tomorrow is promised to no one, so make the best of today. Don't let her story be a negative effect on you, take it all in and learn something from it like I did. I believe that even though as tragic as it is Layla was sent here by GOD. To teach a lesson, and it's a lesson that will never be forgotten.

THANK YOU LAYLA GRACE FOR OPENING MY EYES, YOU WILL FOREVER HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART

If you want to know more about Layla Grace and her story look up the site laylagrace.org or find the facebook page. Read her story, and when life throws something your way think of Layla and think about how blessed we all are to have had her story shared with us.


http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=95631285947


http://laylagrace.org/